It is official. My little, sweet baby girl is two years old. Somehow this signifies the end of an era. Yes, I realize that an era is most certainly more than two years. This much I do know. How two years have passed so quickly, I have yet to comprehend. But it is the end of an era for me. This causes my heart to swell and my body to burst into the ‘I’m-so-full-of-emotion-I-cannot-possibly-contain-it-inside-of-me’ balloon. At which point, my eyes well up with tears. I actually think I have been experiencing some of the stages of grief. I have been in denial (She can’t be two. She was just born.) and certainly sad (She is my baby. Where did those two years go?) accompanied with more denial (She can’t be two. She was just born.).
See? Look at that sweet, just born face…(or if you are me, don’t look. Or you will cry. Again.)
Yes, my sweet Eva Angeline celebrated her birthday on the 29th of May. It has come and gone. I must now enter the acceptance stage. She is two. She was born two years ago. Two years have passed since her birth. Yes, I know. I’m a raging lunatic. My, oh my, how those two years have been filled with so much change. To think of this little babe at birth to the little girl in the daisy field today, the heaving chest and tears come again. The dam will not hold. It overflows. (Damn it. I can do this. This is what moms do. Yes, we love so much it hurts.)
Eva is in love with Hello Kitty. She has a Hello Kitty robe and that is how the infatuation with ‘Catty’ began. Hello Kitty is not Hello Kitty in our house. She is ‘Catty’. The excitement in Eva’s voice when she sees ‘Catty’ informs you that her love for ‘Catty’ abounds. Thus, the theme for her party was decided. I set to work on a practice cake of Hello Kitty’s head. This is what moms do. We love our children. We read the love lines they send out to us and we act. We bake cakes from scratch and do things we have never done before, all for the sake of our children. I still surprise myself in the kitchen because let’s face it, I was a slouch before I was a mother. I did not bake cakes from scratch. I didn’t bake. I didn’t cook. I poured cereal out of a box and added milk for my dinner. Obviously, as a mom, those types of kitchen skills would not win me any awards with my children. I’m not gifted but I try. And I believe that is all that we can do. So, I do some research and I bake a ‘Catty’ cake. I make dinners I have never made before. Sometimes they turn out and sometimes they don’t. (A lot like my parenting moments.)
So, what do we do? We too get really excited when we see ‘Catty’. We work our ‘catty’ magic. We go outside of our comfort zone to do things for our children. Who are we kidding? Being a parent is outside the comfort zone. I’ve never been a parent. (Don’t tell my kids this but I have no idea what I am doing.) Yes, I read tons of books on how to be the best parent that ever walked the face of the Earth. I read Parents magazine and I try really hard to be a good parent. But in each moment I have to make a choice and I don’t always know if it’s the right one.
Eva came into our lives just as Easton did. We did not know whether we were having a girl or a boy. This was by choice as I relished the surprise. I secretly harbored thoughts of a boy simply because it would be easier. We already had one. We had everything we needed for a boy in our possession and then some. My husband and I had even harmoniously agreed on a boy name. Which would be all of the reasons we were blessed with a girl. It took me a full ten days after she was born to fully understand the situation. I had a girl. The bombs of pink going off every five minutes should have triggered my awareness. My world was a fuzzy pink kaleidoscope of emotions. I was so excited that our house would now hold an equal hormonal balance. The blessings finally started to sink in.
The arrival of Eva made us a family of four. A well-rounded team of two parents and two children, built in comrades on each side. The love of a husband and wife, just when you think it couldn’t be any greater, is ever expanded by the addition of a child. And then another. Each time, you wonder how can there be enough love? But it multiplies with the people. (Who knew it was simple mathematics?)
And so, two months later, I have come to terms with the fact that my sweet Eva is two. I look forward to going outside of my comfort zone each day. I cherish building a haven within our family where my children feel safe, loved, and happy. I love working ‘catty’ magic and creating a childhood full of imagination and wonder for my children.
For those of you dreaming of parenthood, I hold you close to my prayer-filled heart with hope and love.
Whether they are just born, two, or twenty, children are a magical miracle to behold.
Happy Birthday to my sweet Eva!