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Thirty-Nine

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39. It’s a number. And also my age. As of today. What’s that you say? It seems like you were just a young twenty-something gallivanting around the world. I know. Part of me is having a hard time with this number. That part is kicking and screaming, saying “No! This can’t be!” The other part is trying to embrace it. I don’t think 39 is that bad in and of itself. My son told me “39 is young, Mom”. Bless him. Maybe it’s the number that comes after it, looming above that is causing me the internal drama. Unnecessary as it may be.

It’s just that I’m not only a thinker but I’m an over-thinker. My snow-balling brain doesn’t just stay at 39. It jumps to 40, 50 and so on. I project years from now on worries that have low possibility and even lower probability. If the thought is out there, my mind will think it. It’s an issue. I’m human. I’m working on it.

Luckily, I’ve learned some things in these 39 years. I do my best to substitute prayer for worry. Because worry gets me nowhere. I know this in my heart but my head still seems to go to all kinds of crazy places. It has a valid passport to Worry and travels there often. If there were frequent flier miles, I’d have a gazillion. Prayer gives me a deep sense of peace. It’s just sometimes my mind is so overcome with worry, it can’t find the prayer brain cells anywhere. But the peace is so much better. So. Much. Better.

But back to today. It’s my birthday. I love birthdays. I love celebrating birth. If you’ve encountered a birth, you know just how amazing it is. How it pulls something out of your soul and gives your spirit wings. Out of body. Emotional. Transcending this world. It is magical and wonderful and joyful. Celebrating life is something we should do every day and our birthday is one of the best reminders of that.

So today I am celebrating a life well lived. I have travelled the world. I have a husband who can live with an over-thinking woman. (Bless him too!) I have given birth to two beautiful children. I have the love of God, my husband, my family and my friends. All of these are reason to celebrate.

Here’s to birthdays! (And turning 29 for the 11th time.)

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